Ode to Old Age

Written and performed by Joan Staple for her 90th birthday celebration on June
15, 2013 at the AK Café in Buffalo, New York

It’s said that wisdom comes with age
But surely that’s not so
At ninety I should be a sage
Yet still have way to go.

Chores take longer than they should
Eyes are dim and brain is slow
Maybe bad or maybe good
Depending where you want to go.

My face looks like a shriveled apple
Purple spots my legs do dapple
Skin tears easily like lace
Should I have a “lift of face”?

My keys are not where they should be
I swear I put them here!
They did not like it, so did flee
They might be far or near.

Wherever did I park my car?
It’s small and hard to spot
It really can be very far
But where I am – it’s not.

I get so cross with my computer
I worry she might crash
And one fine day I’m going to shoot her
Or throw her in the trash.

GOOGLE is my favorite site
I love to surf the web worldwide
There I travel with my mouse
And never even leave the house.

Exercises one must do
For the lungs and for the heart
For the bones and muscles too
Best to get an early start.

My knees are stiff and do not like
To run, to ski, to ride a bike
They much prefer the hot-tub bubbles
To soothe away the pain and troubles.

Worn out is my rotator cuff
Weight it will not bear
Therapy is not enough
It’s called wear- and- tear.

TV gurus caution you:
Fiber’s in but fat’s taboo
Don’t drink juice or coke or liquor
Then your waistline won’t get thicker.

Lose some weight and you’ll live longer
Veggies make your bones grow stronger
Don’t eat cookies, skip the jelly
All that junk goes to your belly.

Don’t use butter, do eat nuts
Look out for the leaner cuts
Don’t eat bacon, shun that ham
Love dry bread without the jam.

Where have all the old men gone?
Gone to heaven – at least some
Sadly they don’t live as long
Guys are weak, but girls are strong!

Food and pills cannot prevent
The progress of old age
I wonder where the years all went
And why I’m not a sage.

None of us will live forever
Whether dumb – or even clever
Just keep moving, stay upbeat,
Cry sometimes, but give up?
NEVER!